Coming to England? A Country Pub Makes a Proper Spot
English tea, rose gardens, the Queen, double-decker buses, black cabs and Harry Potter— these are the things you expect to see in England, right? Right. (Well, you might not actually see the queen, but you’ll spot her face around the place).
I mean, that’s what you come here for, right? All that polite-society stuff, little fingers in the air, keep calm and carry on posters everywhere and soldiers and policeman in ridiculous headwear. Your favourite films and novels are all set in England and you just have to come and see it for yourself — all that ‘Englishness’.
But there’s another thing that should be on your list, a thing every tourist who wants to really get to know the country should properly investigate — that most essential of institutions— the British pub.
It’s a restaurant, meeting place, tourist information, lounge room and events venue all rolled into one quintessential establishment, complete with a quirky name, cosy fireplace and a contingent of local dogs.
Every village, community and suburb has got at least one, and the further into the countryside you go, the better they are. And the best part? You can actually stay in some of them.
What is a pub?
Short for Public House, pubs — especially in country villages and small communities — are often more affectionately referred to as ‘the local’. They’ve existed in Britain since Roman times, although the oldest buildings currently in existence only date from the around the 14th century. Several establishments claim to be the oldest, although no one actually seems to know which is correct, and fortunately no one seems to really mind.
Many of the old pubs were, and still are, situated on the old Roman roads linking towns to ports, and they provided food, drinks, accommodation and stabling for the weary worker or traveler and their horses. On many of them, you can still see the old iron rings on the outside walls where the animals were tethered.
The local pub, like thechurch and school, is an essential part of village life. It’s where you go to meet friends, hear all the local gossip, and find out what’s going on. Much like the Romans did!
So, if you’re heading on over here, it’s time to do as the Romans did and look for a room at the inn.
Be where the locals go
Never mind going to where the locals are — if you’re in a pub, they’ll come to you!
There’s no need to send your mates a text asking if they want to hang out — simply turn up, and chat to whoever is sitting at the bar.
If there’s no one there, chat to the barman (or woman). Not only are they a fount of local knowledge, they also know everyone else in the bar, and they can introduce you to other locals. The next day, they’ll greet you as an old friend.
Your complete night out — in
If you don’t fancy going out, you don’t have to! Everything you need is inside the pub.
Spend your afternoon reading a book or playing board games by the fire, have your pre-dinner drink sitting at the bar chatting to your new friends, try some ‘pub grub’, and perhaps join in a quiz or bingo night — or just sit quietly in a corner and soak up the atmosphere.
When you’re done, the landlord or lady will wish you a good night’s sleep and say ‘see you in the morning’, and you take a flight or two of higgledy-piggledy stairs straight up to bed.
Local delicacies
When you’re in a country pub, you know that most of what’s on the menu probably hasn’t traveled very far —in fact you may have already been chatting to the local farmer who provided it.
Every English pub has a few staples on the menu — bangers and mash, fish and chips, steak and kidney pie or a ploughman’s lunch. There’s no better place to enjoy a Sunday roast — complete with Yorkshire pudding and gravy — perhaps followed up with a spotted dick or sticky toffee pudding.
Don’t forget to sample the local ales — ask the barman for a recommendation, or simply just look at what the locals are drinking! Or just choose the one with the quirkiest name (my favourite is an Old Speckled Hen).
The morning after
Ah, is there anything better than a full English breakfast in a country pub? A little selection of jams and marmalade, toast in a toast rack, baked beans and mushrooms, and a friendly landlady asking if you’d like more tea.
Most of the best bacon and sausages I’ve ever eaten have been in pubs, and the best poached eggs too. The chef (which will often be the landlord or lady themselves), probably collected the eggs that morning.
Breakfast is also a good time to chat to the other guests, ask them what they’ve been up to and what plans they have for the day — I’ve been given some great tips this way.
More quaintness than Mary Poppins
Thatched roofs, exposed beams, roaring fires — it’s like a scene from your favourite British 80s drama.
Each one has its own charm, whether its mis-matched chairs and tables, uneven floors or one local who sits on the same stool every night and talks in a dialect that no one else can understand.
And of course there are the names.
From the more obvious King’s Head or George and Dragon, to the delightfully obscure Bull and Spectacles, each will have its own story and probably a nickname as well. Buy the locals a drink and they’ll tell you all about it — and probably a lot of other things as well.
Fancy Another?
This is what every thirsty guest wants to hear, that the bartender has noticed your glass is empty and wants to pull you another pint — and why not, since you don’t have to travel home? If you’re staying long enough, you might even get asked ‘the usual?’ when you appear at the end of your day — that’s when you truly know you’ve become a local.
There’s nothing better than opening that old, creaky wooden door at the end of a hard day’s exploring and hearing the crackle of the fire, the low murmuring of voices from the table by the window, the chink of glass from behind the bar and regulars greeting you like an old friend.
Who wouldn’t love to write home and say that you stayed in a thatched inn called the Pickled Parson? Although, of course, you’ll refer to it affectionately as ‘The Parson’, when they ask.
There’s no place where you can feel more like a proper Englishman (or woman) than in a proper English pub (unless of course you actually do get invited to tea with the Queen, in which case tell her you’re staying at the Ritz, darling). But for good honest food, beer and company, there’s nothing like it.
So go on. Get out of the city and stay in a pub. And make sure you save me a pint.
